Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (Without Pain and Sacrifice)
Gender bias sucks. There’s no reason to sugarcoat it. It has plagued me at every. single. stage. of my career. No matter how hard I worked or sacrificed, I always wound up feeling frustrated, isolated, and burned out.
I would tell myself nothing would get in my way (I was a badass, powerful woman after all!), yet the struggles of working in a world built by men for men always took their toll. If you’re a working woman, I’m guessing you’ve struggled with this pain, too. People assume these issues are no longer happening because it’s the modern age. We know better.
Regardless if you’re entry-level or in the C-Suite, you’ve likely experienced the effects of gender bias whether you know it or not. I’ve personally seen far too many women I care about and admire suffering or being held back because of the gender gap.
Throughout my career, I’ve done my best to support more and more women around me through any means necessary, but I could only do so much within the confines of my role. Eventually, I realized I could do so much more. I needed to do much more. While helping the women in my network felt like a victory, I knew I could support women on a much bigger scale. And by god, enough was enough!
Blood, Sweat, and Tears or Burnout, Sacrifice, and Trauma?
I started my career like most of you. I was an ambitious young woman determined to make a name for myself in the corporate world.
Like you, I was a daughter of the Girlboss Generation. The Lean In Generation. The Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office Generation.
We were desperate for motivation and inspiration from the women who led the charge before us. The knowledge they had to offer was worth its weight in gold because they were the first women to reach the glass ceiling. At the time, we thought their way was the only way because their path was the only one carved ahead of us. But as we spent years and decades following their guidance, we were also running ourselves into the ground.
Much of the advice women receive about the workplace ultimately translates to “act more like men to achieve what men have.” This inadequate guidance forces you to play their game by their rules and does nothing to account for the gender bias you’ll experience at every step. I was an expert at acting more like men to achieve what they have, but I often felt I faced even more bias because of it.
Another issue? Even if you do all those things and achieve “success,” you may not feel that successful. You may feel empty. That’s what you’ll get by working twice as hard to get half as much. Blood, sweat, and tears don’t mean much in the end if you’re completely depleted.
Women have fought hard to stake our claims in the working world. There’s no denying that the generations before us walked so we could run. BUT…and hear me out…I worry that the methods we’ve used to “succeed” in a man’s world are still ultimately conforming to the patriarchy. The singular way men have defined success does not have to be the one-size-fits-all definition of success that meets the needs and goals of all women.
You are powerful, and you are multi-faceted. So, shouldn’t you get to decide what success looks like? Shouldn’t you get to be your authentic self to get there?
Working Women Are Being Set Up to Fail
The corporate world sets working women up to fail. Yep - I sincerely believe that. And the most we’re getting is leadership coaching and advice for growth and development. Now, I’m not denying those are great options if they align with your goals. But not every woman wants to be a leader in the traditional sense. Furthermore, leadership roles shouldn’t be the only way we overcome the gender gap. (To be perfectly honest, I know plenty of female leaders who aren’t exactly moving the needle for other women in their organizations. I’m guessing you do too).
One way we’re set up to fail is in how we think about and deal with imposter syndrome. If you need a refresher, imposter syndrome is essentially that negative internal dialogue insisting you are underqualified, unworthy, and unskilled.¹ It tells you that you did not earn your achievements or deserve them. It convinces you that everyone around you thinks that, too, and you’re just a fraud waiting to be found out.
Have I mentioned how much I hate imposter syndrome? I think it’s one of the most significant ways the patriarchy keeps a chokehold on working women’s progress for two primary reasons. I believe that most of our imposter syndrome is rooted in gender bias. I also think that because imposter syndrome affects so many working women, it inevitably has a much bigger impact on our progress and hopes for changing the corporate landscape.
Forbes points out that “Imposter syndrome is believed to result from factors, including personality traits, such as perfectionism, family background, and the push for achievements when young”.² So yes, technically, it can affect both men and women. But, when you add the complexity of growing up as a woman and the narratives society pushes on us, I’d argue that we’re basically set up for imposter syndrome. Think about it - as women, we’re trying to squeeze our way into a world built by men for men. A world that the patriarchy never meant for us. Of course, we feel like imposters!
But the interesting thing about imposter syndrome is that even though it may seriously feel like you’re a fraud, it doesn’t mean that your brain truly thinks you’re a fraud. Psychology Today says, “The more you know, the less confident you’re likely to be - not out of lacking knowledge, but due to caution”.³ For working women, that caution could be for many different reasons.
There’s a strong chance that you experience imposter syndrome, or you know (many) women who do. 75% of female executives surveyed by InnovateMR reported experiencing imposter syndrome, while 53% of female professionals between the ages of 25-34 said they’re also currently experiencing imposter syndrome.⁴
That’s a lot of women. That’s a depressing amount of women.
If so many women were experiencing this, we’d talk about it and support each other through it, right? Sadly, that’s wrong. According to the same InnovateMR study, 85% of women have not spoken to someone at work about their struggles for fear of being seen as weak.⁵
Doesn’t it feel like we’re chasing our tails?
We believe we’re equal…but we’re being made to feel that we’re inferior.
These biases make us doubt ourselves and question whether we’re good enough.
But we’re not talking about it because we don’t want people to know we’re struggling.
And since no one is talking about it, we all collectively struggle silently.
I’ll repeat it…We’re set up to fail.
The Needle isn’t Moving Fast Enough
Society wants to believe that our cultural wounds have healed because it’s the 21st Century. It’s simply not the case. If you’re a marginalized person, your lived experience has proven that to be true. To be a woman is to know pain. If you’re a woman of color, a trans woman, an immigrant woman (the list goes on and on), then the micro and macro aggressions are exponentially worse.
We’re fortunate that so many amazing groups on the front lines of our communities are working to cultivate real change. The work they’re doing is inspiring and necessary. The only downside (through no fault of their own) is that much of that work is creating a better future but not necessarily a better today. Research done in 2012 was even able to show that policies and legislative measures ultimately had no impact on the rates of workplace mistreatment.⁶ This doesn’t mean that those efforts are wasted. However, it means we also need to find better ways of supporting working women today.
Because when you’re in pain, you need relief today, not tomorrow.
Here’s some interesting data from Deloitte’s Women @ Work 2023 Report⁷
Over a third (35%) of women rate their mental well-being as poor/very poor
Similar to last year, around half of respondents report that their stress levels are higher than a year ago.
Fewer women say they get adequate mental health support from their employers, and several factors point to persistent workplace mental health stigma. For example, the number of women who feel comfortable talking about mental health in the workplace has dropped significantly from 43% in 2022 to 25% in 2023.
And what impact does that have?
In their 2022 Report, they revealed that many women make career and life decisions driven by their experiences with burnout. No surprise there! While some women found better, more flexible solutions, many were forced to abandon their jobs or careers entirely. At the time of the report, more survey respondents had left their jobs that year than in 2020 and 2021 combined.⁸
What are you supposed to do when the needle isn’t moving fast enough, and your well-being starts to fall by the wayside?
You can keep doing what you’ve always done, hoping for different results.
You can consciously choose to leave the workforce (which not everyone wants to do, and for those who do, it may not even be a feasible option.)
You can give up (I’m sure your haters and the patriarchy would love that).
Or you can start getting support now to help you redefine your career on your terms.
We Need a New Glass Ceiling
The glass ceiling concept is often discussed but can be challenging to define. I prefer to imagine the glass ceiling as a vast array of individual panels. Each person has their unique panel and their definition of what success looks like. There is no need to compromise or diminish oneself to fit a predetermined mold. The beauty of this metaphor is that each panel is surrounded by countless other women who come together to support and encourage one another. A single panel may not have much strength on its own, but when united with billions of others, it creates a powerful force that can break through even the most formidable barriers.
I started this business because that’s what I want to cultivate. One woman at a time.
Explore my 1:1 Mentoring
Feeling fed up with your career? My 1:1 mentoring is your roadmap to breaking free from gender bias and redefining success on your terms.
¹ Nicols, Brittany. “Are You an Imposter?” Innovatemr.com, 2015.
² Kelly, Jack. “What the Peter Principle, Dunning-Kruger Effect and Imposter Syndrome Look like in the Workplace.” Forbes, 12 Oct. 2022.
³ Dwyer, Christopher. “12 Common Biases That Affect How We Make Everyday Decisions.” Psychology Today, 2018.
⁴ Nicols, Brittany. “Are You an Imposter?” Innovatemr.com, 2015.
⁵ Nicols, Brittany. “Are You an Imposter?” Innovatemr.com, 2015.
⁶ van Heugten K (2012) Resilience as an underexplored outcome of workplace bullying. Qual Health Res 23(3):291–301.
⁷ “Women at Work 2023: A Global Outlook.” Deloitte, 2023,
⁸ “Women at Work 2022: A Global Outlook.” Deloitte, 2022.